A summary of debates.

February 9, 2010

Basically, I’m going to repost the debate myself and fellow Clan member Tinuviel had regarding the Harry Potter franchise, along with other Clanner’s remarks:

(this takes place within a thread about disappointing book endings)

Kon: Deathly Hallows – I think the problem is that JK Rowling just wanted a ‘happy ending’, even though it didn’t exactly go with the flow of the rest of the book. It would have been bearable had it not been for that godawful ‘epilogue’ she tacked onto the end, just to stress the fact that the ending had been happy.

WishIWasRenn: yeah i agree. I’m a massive fan and love the books and everything harry potter but i think the ending would have been better without that 19 years later thing on the end. It’s just so cheesy with all the kids named after everyone else… ugh.

flowers of a violet moon: If i ever have kids i would never called them names after people unless i felt that the name would be right for the child. No-one should be so vain.

Kon: Yeah, who the hell in this day and age would want to alienate their children by calling their son Albus Severus? That may be fine when he’s at wizard school and everyone knows who Dumbledore was, but in the real world, he is going to get slain. Has Ginny no input into the naming of their children? First they name their kids after Harry’s dead parents who he never really knew, and so he shouldn’t have that close a connection with them (and don’t argue with me about that Ressurection Stone – they were nothing more that imaginary friends, as far as I’m concerned) so Ginny has no choice there, and then they name their third kid after their teachers. What the hell? Does JK not know that girls have chosen their baby names by the time they’re thirteen? Does she not register that Ginny probably has at least a dozen possible names in her head that she may have wanted to pick?

And as for Ron and Hermione’s kids… well. “Solo una pelirojo puede llamar otre pelirojo pelirojo.”

That’s all I have to say about that.

*deep breath*

Ok, rant over. πŸ˜€

Sparrow: Deathly Hallows-
Just the ending. Twas just the ending that was a bit of a let down. Was honestly hoping that Rowling would kill Harry off >.>; Not that I hate HP or anything but sometimes, endings full of death and whatnot are for the best.

Fe Wolf: Spoilers, I guess. Don’t like, don’t read.
Myself and quite a few people I’ve talked to agree that there was probably a silent cheer from thousands when Harry ‘died’ in DH. Then a collective sigh when he came back. That part, I did not like. Don’t get me wrong – I like Harry Potter, and I’m glad the main character didn’t die. But still… I’m sure there was a way to avoid that scene. Hurt him bad, knock him out. Whatever. But killing him and bringing him back so fast? Just… no.
And the big fight with Voldemort? Epic fail. Most powerful dark wizard… killed by a disarming spell. Right. Sure.

I think the epilogue has already been covered.

Other than that, it wasn’t a terrible book.

Tinuviel: The reason Harry died was because he was Horcrux, and it was actually the part of Voldemort’s soul inside him that was killed. It wouldn’t have been destroyed by knocking him out.

It doesn’t bother me that Harry came back. If he didn’t it would defy the whole of the main theme running in the previous 6 books, the idea of love and evil.

The evil inside him was destroyed and the love inside him allowed him to live.

Yeah, maybe it is a bit clichΓ©, but it reflects the rest of his story perfectly. Also JK makes up for it by killing off loads of other main characters, which makes it a whole lot more realistic.

The part I didn’t like was the 19 years later part. I guess it was just to tie up loose ends, but it annoys me how pretty much every character left single marries someone else.

I guess as wizards are part of a dying race, they’d naturally be more attracted to each other, particularly if they went through the same bad experiences, but it’s too frustrating. I think Charlie was the only surviving character who could still be considered a child who doesn’t get married.

Which probably means he’s gay in hp world.


Kon: Being the natural and well-known ranter that I am, I am going to take each part of your answer and give my opinion (just because I want to. It’s fun!)

Part 1: Harry being a Horcrux.
Well, that’s awful convenient, no? Just to have that little thing that will prevent him from dieing? Seriously, JK, you need to think things through a little. Would everyone really accept that as a suitable solution? The conversation (I imagine) went like this:

“Well, of course Harry doesn’t die!”
“Um… well, er… you see, inside him… erm, there’s this… hmm. Well, I guess there could be a bit of Voldy inside him and that’s what gets killed instead?”
“That sounds awful convenient, no?”

Part 2: The battle of Evil vs Love
Love conquers all? Really, JK? You mean, if we were faced with great evil, we wouldn’t be instantly killed because our dead mother’s final action was to give us LOVE?
That’s really stupid. Since when was magic connotated with romance in such a strong way? I’d say that JK is just being a bit soppy with this. Love conquers all… yeah right!

Part 3: Love allows Harry to live
Oh, shut up, Dumbly, with your madcap ideas. It wasn’t love at all, it was a Horcrux. Yep, my conclusion to the two above points is that love doesn’t conquer all, having a bit of your adversary’s soul trapped within you does. Obviously.

Part 4: Make it fair by killing off other characters
Pardon? Since when does that make an inch of sense?
“Oh, I don’t want to kill of the main character, so I think I’ll just kill of the twenty-odd (I haven’t counted) secondary characters I’ve got here to make it ok.”
“But what about those people who live the secondary characters?”
“Shut up! I want some angst. Let’s make Teddy an orphan!”
“What?! What about Tonks and Lupin?!” (I liked Tonks!)
“Shut it! It’s my book, I’ll kill who I want, and just for that, Dobby’s going, too!”

Part 5: 19 Years Later
… See my previous posts for my opinions on this. Seriously, search them out! It’s amusing (for me). πŸ™‚

Part 6: Wizard Attraction
This… doesn’t quite make sense in my mind. By saying wizards attract each other, you’re saying that something draws them together…?
But Hermione isn’t really magical, is she? Sure, she can use it, but there’s not a drop of wizard blood in her veins! And Harry’s only half and half. The only attraction happening here is by way of JK’s influence. She wants a cliche happy ending. I say, it’s not on. Again, see my previous post.

And finally,
Part 7: Gay Magic
Charlie = Dumbly’s new best friend. πŸ™‚

Once again, to clarify (I’m not the clearest), although most of these points are quite logical, they are not made with any ill-feeling in tow, and Tinuviel, sorry for having a go, but it’s just a bit of fun aimed at a shoddy book ending. πŸ˜€

Kon’s rant – Over!

WWW: OMG don’t insult Dumbledore!! He’s freakin’ awesome!!!

I agree with all your other stuff though, especially about the “secondary characters.”


She kills off so many good people, but none of the main ones. No offence, but I would rather like Harry die, than Dobby and Hedgewig πŸ˜›

Wolven Knight: [regarding WWW’s “Don’t insult Dumbledore”] He is gay. Ask JK yourself.

WWW: Whats wrong with an old gay wizard??? :L:L

Tinuviel: [regarding my earlier post] Oh oh yay πŸ˜€ I like doing this.

[Quote Part 1]

Okay, so it would be better if he wasn’t a horcrux? Yeah, that makes sense, because then, hey! the books wouldn’t exist in the first place!

If Harry hadn’t become a horcrux, he would have been killed as a baby. So you could argue, why make Harry a horcrux at all? or even why have Voldemort try and kill him?

Yeah, a couple of major plot points and a whole character gone down the drain there.

[Quote Part 2]

It’s a childrens’ story. I think a lot of people forget this, as the books do become far more ‘dark’ and mature towards the end of the series, but personally I can’t forget that, as I pretty much grew up reading Harry Potter.

So what if there are slightly soppy and possibly unrealistic morals? They are still good and decent, and, silly how it may seem, simple things like books can influence a whole lot in a young child’s mind.

It is believable and a nice thought, and makes a lot of people feel good about themselves when reading.

[Quote Part 3]

Β The horcrux in Harry existed because of love. His mother’s love prevented his death as a baby, and the backfiring of the curse unintentionally ripped a part of Voldemort’s soul out of him. He had just killed two people after all, so the horcrux does make sense.

[Quote Part 4]

Okay, not “fair”, but more believable and realistic. It would be stupid if only a few named/main characters died, seeing as it’s a war. However strange this may seem, it makes the ending of the series more satisfying for me to know that not all of the characters live happily ever after, although the whole marriage issue does suggest that.

[Quote Part 6]

By attract I mean the same way how same species attract, or even just similarly gened people. I probably didn’t explain my reasoning very well, but all in all I’m not a fan of the “IMA MAKE EVERYONE MARRY NAO BAIBAI” spaz that JK issued.

And yeah, I don’t get the whole mudblood thing. To use magic, you have to have magical blood, but you’re only considered pureblood if you have 4 magical grandparents, methinks. Doesn’t matter if they are all pureblood or not.

I always imagine it like midichlorians. Everyone has them, just a few people far more than others. We never get an explanation of what ‘magical blood’ is exactly, but at least she doesn’t try to explain the biology of it and fail miserably, like Stephenie Meyer and Twilight.

[Quote Part 7]

xD I just imagine Charlie’s more of a work man. He loves his dragons too much to have time for a lady.

Either that or he does have a partner, he just doesn’t marry them.

Oh, Percy doesn’t get married either, but I never really think of him as being very into the dating thing. He does go out with Penelope Clearwater at one point, but I dunno.

Kon: Here we go again! (I just love having a go at JK Rowling, to be fair! Negating all her “magical” logic) πŸ˜€

Same format as before? Methinkso.
Part 1: Harry Horcrux
I’ma going to ignore the fact that JK had the entire plot planned out all along and point this out: we only heard of horcruxes at the beginning of Deathly Hallows. Assuming she planned the books in order, as far as we know pre-book 7, Voldemort went after Harry for no reason other than his own vanity, and love made him live. JK could have just tacked that Horcrux solution onto him at any point. I’m pretty sure that if Harry wasn’t a horcrux, JK would have found a way to write around it. Therefore, my previous point still stands.

Part 2: Books make me feel good
I know where you’re coming from with this as I have also grown up with Mr Potter, but along the way, JK must have realised the rubbish she’s putting into children’s heads. Now, kids grow up thinking they may secretly be a wizard who was ophaned and now lives with Muggles. Until they’re 11 and that letter never comes. Trust me on this, I know a few. By the same logic, children who are particularly influenced come to believe that everything will be fine as long as they have love. This, as most will know, is not completely true. Sometimes, even love can mess with you. I should know, too (particularly bitter about this as have just come out of a long-term relationship – sorry!).
Yeah, it makes people feel good about themselves, but so does cake. And cake makes you overweight. Then do you feel good about yourself? No. Where am I going with this? Who knows. Read deep, you might actually find a point to this. Hahaahaha!

And so we come to
Part 3: Convenience Stores
Again with my first point from this post, JK seems to find all these little conveniences, doesn’t she! And once more with the above point. Love doesn’t save you from evil. You can’t survive being kicked out of a plane by a bad guy because love is on your side (you may argue that evil is not the problem here, high altitude is. Well, you’d be right. But there was still an evil cause.).

Part 4: Name the Dead
It seems to me that most of the people we hear about dieing are named secondary characters. Yes, it’s a war, but not many of the real main characters die, do they?! There’s JK’s method of “Protect the important, Throw out the rest”. It’s harsh. Really harsh. I would have actually thanked the Lord (which is a lot for me, as I am an avid atheist) had Voldy killed Harry and then been finished off by someone else. Harry is a Harry-Sue. Yeah. There, I said it. Everything ends up fine and dandy for him, but what about Dobby? Optimistic, happy, zany little Dobby? Only ever done good in his life and what happens? Knife in the chest.

Harsh, JK. Harsh.

Part 5: Something nice within this rant?!
Glad we can agree on something! I mean, yeah, I didn’t really get what you meant before but you’ve explained it better now, so I suppose you have a valid point there. I’ll let you have it. and YAY for epilogue-bashing! Fairytale or what?

“So, JK, how are you planning to end the book?”
“Well, I thought about maybe the Muggles discovering wizards, freaking out and nuking the place, so everyone dies from the radioactive fire blasts–”
“Oh, that sounds interesting!”
“– but then I though, nah, I want to be happy. Plus, I just took a whole lot of caffiene! So I’ma marry everyone off! Give them snotty arrogant kids who go around bragging that their dad killed Voldy. And then i just go BAIBAI!”

And finally:
Part 6: Good times!
Charlie + Percy + Dumbly = …Should I really go into it here?

Sparrow: As much as I didn’t particularly enjoy the ending and the whole ‘Harry dies…Oh wait! He’s alive again!’, I do understand Tinny’s point of it being a ‘children’s story’ and whatnot. I think a child has the ability to form more of a bond with characters so killing off Harry, the character who’s adventures said child has been following, wouldn’t have been the best idea >.> Stuff like that can seriously influence a kid. Bah…I dunno. I’m rambling but I think that made sense.

Kon: Eh. You do kinda have a point within that ramble, πŸ™‚ , but I’m gonna stick with what I said. Seriously, if children have such a bond with a fictional character that they are upset when the character dies, how are they going to cope in a real-world situation where a character such as, let’s say, the Doctor (yeah πŸ˜€ ) regenerates. I cried, and I’m (coughnearlycough) an adult! So if a ten-year-old can get affected like that, maybe it’ll teach them about the harshness of killing of characters (I REALLY liked Tonks. And Dobby. And Hedwig. And they’re all dead.)

Just because he’s the main doesn’t mean Harry should get a happily ever after. And if kids don’t like that, that’s their problem. And if kids don’t like me, I’d like to see them take me on. >:D

Sparrow: A young child has a lot more innocence (well, they did >.> and then they started swearing and getting drunk at 5) than an adult since they haven’t yet been exposed to the ‘evils’ of this world. As a child grows into a teen etc, they begin to understand more things such as death and all that. They also understand that fictional characters are fictional. You may have cried when The Doctor regenerated but in the end, you know that it’s not real. A child…oh, let’s say 8 or so, might not think of it in such a rational manner.

Kon: I suppose you have a point, but the majority of people have grown up with Harry Potter – since the first book came out, they have read and waited for more and then read some more…. they will have gotten older and more mature, and should be able to deal with the deaths of people as they become more mature.

For younger children, I don’t think it’s that much of a problem because they just watch the watered-down films (which really ruined the point, as the books were heralded as the new way to get kids to read… then they brought out the films… not kids don’t even bother with the books) but older children should be able to cope with the idea of a character in a book dieing. I mean, tons of characters died in the last book! People died in the previous books!

I don’t think Harry’s death would have been the issue. If Harry had just played his part and died, I’m not sure many people would be all too fussed. They’d be more concerned about the dark wizard who would subsequently attempt to take over the world. But I digress…

More to the point, I love a good debate. And for that reason, I believe that Harry should have just DIED LIKE A GOOD LITTLE HALF-BLOOD and then there’s be no need for “19 Year Later” at all.

19? Not even a nice round number like 20? Seriously, this is messed up JK.

I may have to send all this to her. I believe I have raised a good few points.

*ambles off with a wad of letter paper*

Sparrow: ‘…majority of people have grown up with Harry Potter…’- But then we have the younger generation who haven’t and have only just started getting into the books.

‘For younger children, I don’t think it’s that much of a problem because they just watch the watered-down films.’- But the fact that the movies are watered-down is the point. A watered-down movie would be less graphic than the book. Well, not that HP is actually graphic but we can use that example for other books. And besides, have you read this:


Frankly, that scares me. A lot >_<

‘…older children should be able to cope with the idea of a character in a book dying.’- Well, they would. Since they’re older and understand more about life and the fact that everything eventually dies.

I think I’ve gone off the point several times but meh. This debate is kinda awkward for me since I agree with you but, at the same time, don’t XP

Tinuviel: [In reply to Part 4: Name the Dead] Okay, the main 3 survive, Harry, Ronald and Hermeyoneninny, but I consider the following people main characters:

HEDWIG (okay maybe not haha)
and Sirius.

Yeah it’s not loads, but for pretty important characters it’s quite a collection.

Again, it’s a childrens’ story. My friend is at the moment reading book 4 to her 7 year old brother. If Harry, Ron or Hermione were killed off in any of the books, can you imagine how horrible that would be to read to him?

Even if they’re not your favourite characters, they’re still the ones that many people almost grew up with. It’d be pretty harsh for them to die.

Anyway, I shall maybe return tomorrow, and if I don’t it’s because I’m lazy and can’t be bothered to debate any more. It’s Harry Potter, and we all love it really πŸ™‚

And if you don’t then what? I don’t even

Toodle pip.

Sparrow: True, true. In the end, I’m guessing that the high majority of us have grown up reading and loving those books so even if some of us think that the ending was bad, the majority (stop using that word, Sparrow!) of the series was pretty epic and memorable.

Kon: [Starting with a reply to Tinny] The main three, plus most of their best fwendies, you mean? Ok, the Weasleys lose Fred, and Harry loses Sirius, but seriously. Those three are considered the main characters of the series. Right from Philosopher’s Stone, where they meet on the train, to that bloody 19 Years Later where everyone’s all married and happy, Harry, Ron and Hermynin are the main characters. I would consider all other characters that are important to the story seconday characters, and all named characters that are unimportant to the progression of the plot tertiary characters (this is coming from the mouth of a wanna-be novelist). And the rest of these people, unnamed masses, are quarternary, or what I affectionately refer to as “fodder”.

By this logic, all main characters survive and have a happy ending. Many secondary characters die. This disappoints Kon. Many tertiary characters die. Kon does not feel affected by this. Many quarternary characters die. This affect Kon in no way at all.

Yes, so that’s the intro to this (you’re gonna have fun reading this tomorrow, yeah? :D) and now onto the main point.

Characters die. This does not affect the outside world in any way. Children must learn this. I have been reading since a very early age (when I started school, I read so well that they skipped all the starter books – I have not read a Biff, Chip and Kipper book in my life – and was reading to the class by Christmas) and I knew since I was five that characters in books were not real. Yes, this is sort of advanced, but by the age of seven or eight, most kids should have worked this out. If they haven’t, it will just be a disappointment to them in later life. If they can’t accept that an author one day STOPS WRITING about a certain character, well, that’s a serious issue. That’s a deep attachment that needs to be sorted out, possibly by a psychiatrist, but I’m not gonna stray into that territory. My point is, kids need to smarten up. (That doesn’t sound how I mean it). They need to accept that there is a difference between fiction and reality.

So it’s harsh for a MC to die? What about Lupin and Tonks? Just married, just had a kid, they”ve got years of happiness ahead of them, right? Wrong. They get killed in a war. And this isn’t as harsh as killing a teenager who strolls into the lair of a powerful evil wizard and doesn’t even retaliate to an attack in order to kill a bit of soul (note at this point: I don’t believe in the soul) that is lodged inside his chest like a spiritual tumour? I don’t think that makes sense. I’m going to call this way of thinking the “HP logic”. By HP logic, it’s fine to orphan a child in the middle of a war in order to protect another orphan from being killed from stupidity.

This would not happen in the real world.

Have a good chew on that, Tinny.

And now onto Sparrow’s points! (I’m having fun tonight!)

Yes, a younger generation is getting into HP. Sometimes, it’s a bit too early. They don’t really understand it all. They like the magic. They don’t really get the darkness. That’s ok.
It’s when they begin to get to the point of understanding that the problem begins. If they’re old enough to get attached to a character, they’ll suddenly get scared for the wellbeing of a character. I don’t think it gets very far though. Reading Azkaban at the young age I was then (I think it was when I was around 8 or 9) I got a bit concerned about Ron cracking his foot off. Then I turned the page and it was fine. I don’t know whether it was because I was used to situations in books (I was an advanced reader, don’t know if I’ve mentioned that yet…) but I wasn’t bothered by the medical condition of a character in a make-believe universe. Others may have been, I don’t know. But it didn’t affect me. Aged 11, when Dumbledore got thrown from a tower, I didn’t get worked up about it. The next day, I had adapted the scene into a one-person play (in which I played both sides of the argument between Draco and Snape, and then Dumbly falling… fun times!) and was acting it out for friends. Who all enjoyed watching an elderly man die over and over again.

The point I’m making here is that kids aren’t affected by situations portrayed in fictional works. They can take it into their stride.

And as for that link… what the heck? Surely this wouldn’t be actually happening, more of an imaginary scene within Ron’s head, right? Because I don’t remember anything like that happening in the book! Well, certainly that idea isn’t watered down!
Yes, I was aiming that comment at the first few films, mainly, as they were all quite twee and happy-ending and “Ooh, we beat the bad guy, let’s have a feast!” type thing. I’ll admit that the later films are darker and more adult, but my point for the first… let’s say three or four still stands.

Yes, I can see we’re coming to some sort of an agreement. Good! I like agreeing! (Surprise, huh? Well, I don’t like agreeing as much as I like debating!)

There’s Kon’s two cents!
Night all!

Tinuviel: Thing is I would agree with you if it wasn’t Harry Potter, I hate it when most characters live happily ever after if it’s an unrealistic ending, but it’s Harry Plopper. Tbh, that should be argument enough, even though I know it isn’t xD

But still, the deaths satisfy me how they are because each of the important ones made me cry. And I’m pretty sure most people felt worse, if not shedding a tear, when they read those parts.

If I could read through the deaths without feeling very sad at all, then it would be disappointing. But I didn’t, and it wasn’t. Maybe they would have had a bigger impact if a main character had died, but it had impact enough, on me anyway.

Thing is, if Harry had been killed, what would happen then? Although the books are written in 3rd person, they are always, always from Harry’s point of view. You never get “Ron was feeling..” or “Hermione really wanted to…” or anything like that.

If Harry had been killed off, the story would have suddenly ended, as it would have been pretty sloppy to abruptly change it to someone elses view, tbh.

Yeah, maybe one of the other two could have been killed, but they weren’t so yeah.

That’s not even the thing that bugs me about the ending anyway. I might feel more strongly if JK hadn’t splashed out on the marriage crap, but again, she didn’t and I don’t.

Kon: Yeah, it didn’t exactly help that JK put all the feelings behind the MC and never onto any of the other characters, but I understand that, as I normally this with most MCs I write… (which is why, in my latest novel attempt, I am conciously combatting this…) but if she hadn’t made that mistake in the first place, the problem wouldn’t exist, no?

I think we’re mainly in agreement now, which is good *dances* so I’ma gonna move onto the main event…

19 Years Later
Yes! The monstrosity! I will sit with book in hand and go through each and every reason why the epilogue was stupid and unnecessary!

I’ll not take the time to do it right here and now, though. I’m going to do something amazing and… post it elsewhere! *gasp!*
And then link it! *wow!*
And then you can read it! *yeah!*

And in my previous post, my friends, you can read just that.


Why I Hate 19 Years Later

February 9, 2010

Yes! Here we go! This is just going to be me ranting about why the 19 Years Later epilogue at the end of Deathly Hallows was a pointless and ridiculous waste of time.

Let’s dive straight into the monstrosity, shall we?

19 Years Later

So, we start with Harry Potter, Hero of Heroes, Vanquisher of Evil with Useless Spells, leading his snot-nosed kids through Kings Cross with new school stuff. Hm. This sounds familiar, right? Yes, abound with cliche, this is Harry showing his kids to school. Great.

We’ll start with Lily, yes? She’s all weepy and whiny because she wants to go to school too. Which begs the question, do wizard children even go to primary school? Yes, we know Harry did but he didn’t know he was a wizard, so would regular wizard kids attend? Who knows. It’s one of those many things that JK Rowling never really reveals to us. I bet if we asked her, she’d make up some BS to make us happy. But I digress… (and probably will do again later)

So everyone’s staring at this family of oddballs with their caged owls. Animal cruelty, much? Shutting big birds in little cages? If the RSPB found out, the entire wizard community would be persecuted for it.

Here is the second kid, then. James. Yes, you got it, Harry named his kids after his parents.


Lily and James, parents of Harry, were in love. Does Harry want his kids to be in love? Probably not, but that’s a disturbing thought. And think of this; Harry has never known his parents. He has no emotional attachment to anyone names Lily or James, and has only ever met versions of them during what some people like to call ‘hallucinations’ induced by sticking your nose in unknown liquids, fighting against evil guys or using a ‘magic’ stone which can ‘raise the dead’. Please note all these uses of sarcasm. They may come in use later. But do you understand my point? And Ginny agreed to this?

Ah, so we come to Ginny. The fairytale ending. These kids met in school, she was his best mate’s younger sister, they fought a lot, fell out, made up, did whatever they did… and this relationship survived their school days?! I want to know what method’s she’s using to keep him in place. Mind you, as we’ll later learn, it worked for Ron and Hermione. Maybe it’s a ginger thing. I can say that with a third ginger in mind, Mr Minchin, who, fans will know, is a famous ginger who met his wife in high school.

It must be a ginger thing. It surely must be. Bloody gingers.

Enter stage right; Ronny and Hermyone. Another happy couple with children! Don’t you just love how all the main characters have fairytale endings? Yeah, forget about everyone else who actually died in the war, and who didn’t have a magic bit of someone else’s soul in there to break the fall. Forget about, say, Teddy Lupin, orphaned during the war to save Harry’s life. But we’ll come to him later…

Then Ron tries his hand at some humour. Laughs about inflicting magic upon the brain of an innocent muggle to pass a test which the majority of competant muggles can pass without resorting to cheating. Then he puts peer pressure on his kids to get into the house he considers to be the best, without a second thought as to what might happen if they don’t. Real smart, there, Ronald. Think about that when your daughter’s sobbing because she got into Hufflepuff and her eleven-year-old mind thinks you were being serious, and that she’s not a Weasley. Which, quite frankly, would be a blessing in disguise. And also remember that when you encounter the driving instructor who can no longer remember his wife’s name because you did a terrible job at confunding him. And then you run him over because you forgot your bloody supersensory charm. Yes, think about that then, Ron. But for now, just go with it.

Ahh, and now we encounter Draco Malfoy. What a coincidence that all these people are popping out kids at roughly the same times. That’s awfully convenient for JK Rowling to put, isn’t it? REAL convenient. But thank god little Rosie Weasley has the brains of a frantic overachiever hammered within her tiny skull in order to piss off Malfoy when she beats his kid at every test, and then goes insane from the huge pressure to do well!

This is where I go back to Teddy Lupin. He’s orphaned, the Potters decide to take him in (what with Harry being his godfather… I wonder how that felt when he was 18 and his mate names him godfather, then goes and dies, leaving him with the infant) and then he starts seeing who we can only assume by the name Victoire is the daughter of Bill and Fleur. Oh, how nice. The Weasleys join up with part of the Potter Clan and everything is happy dandy. How twee.

How sickeningly twee.

Neville. Aww, that’s nice, isn’t it? Neville Longbottom, who was only good at herbology, ending up in the only field herbology’s good for… teaching herbology. Way to set yourself up a career, there, Nev.

And also, isn’t it nice how Hagrid’s making friends with Harry’s kids? Not like he’s a Potter-stalker or anything but he really likes them Potter kids an awful lot!

“Albus Severus.” Albus Severus? What the hell? Who, in this day and age, names their kid the most outdated names ever, after two of their former TEACHERS? Did Ginny have absolutely no say in the naming of her children whatsoever? She just pops ’em out and Harry takes care of the rest. When Alby gets into the real world, he’s gonna realise how much his parents must have hated him. No one will be able to take him seriously. Not with a name like Albus Severus. And going back to Ginny here, does JK Rowling not realise that every girl on earth, from the age of about 12, has planned exactly what she’s going to name her children? And yet Ginny makes no objection to these names her husband choses without letting her have a say? Would that really happen outside a work of fiction? I think not.

But don’t worry! All is well! Scarhead’s scar-head doesn’t hurt him anymore.

Let’s take that as a sign that the world is safe from mediochre literature once more.