Why I Hate 19 Years Later

Yes! Here we go! This is just going to be me ranting about why the 19 Years Later epilogue at the end of Deathly Hallows was a pointless and ridiculous waste of time.

Let’s dive straight into the monstrosity, shall we?

19 Years Later

So, we start with Harry Potter, Hero of Heroes, Vanquisher of Evil with Useless Spells, leading his snot-nosed kids through Kings Cross with new school stuff. Hm. This sounds familiar, right? Yes, abound with cliche, this is Harry showing his kids to school. Great.

We’ll start with Lily, yes? She’s all weepy and whiny because she wants to go to school too. Which begs the question, do wizard children even go to primary school? Yes, we know Harry did but he didn’t know he was a wizard, so would regular wizard kids attend? Who knows. It’s one of those many things that JK Rowling never really reveals to us. I bet if we asked her, she’d make up some BS to make us happy. But I digress… (and probably will do again later)

So everyone’s staring at this family of oddballs with their caged owls. Animal cruelty, much? Shutting big birds in little cages? If the RSPB found out, the entire wizard community would be persecuted for it.

Here is the second kid, then. James. Yes, you got it, Harry named his kids after his parents.

Why?

Lily and James, parents of Harry, were in love. Does Harry want his kids to be in love? Probably not, but that’s a disturbing thought. And think of this; Harry has never known his parents. He has no emotional attachment to anyone names Lily or James, and has only ever met versions of them during what some people like to call ‘hallucinations’ induced by sticking your nose in unknown liquids, fighting against evil guys or using a ‘magic’ stone which can ‘raise the dead’. Please note all these uses of sarcasm. They may come in use later. But do you understand my point? And Ginny agreed to this?

Ah, so we come to Ginny. The fairytale ending. These kids met in school, she was his best mate’s younger sister, they fought a lot, fell out, made up, did whatever they did… and this relationship survived their school days?! I want to know what method’s she’s using to keep him in place. Mind you, as we’ll later learn, it worked for Ron and Hermione. Maybe it’s a ginger thing. I can say that with a third ginger in mind, Mr Minchin, who, fans will know, is a famous ginger who met his wife in high school.

It must be a ginger thing. It surely must be. Bloody gingers.

Enter stage right; Ronny and Hermyone. Another happy couple with children! Don’t you just love how all the main characters have fairytale endings? Yeah, forget about everyone else who actually died in the war, and who didn’t have a magic bit of someone else’s soul in there to break the fall. Forget about, say, Teddy Lupin, orphaned during the war to save Harry’s life. But we’ll come to him later…

Then Ron tries his hand at some humour. Laughs about inflicting magic upon the brain of an innocent muggle to pass a test which the majority of competant muggles can pass without resorting to cheating. Then he puts peer pressure on his kids to get into the house he considers to be the best, without a second thought as to what might happen if they don’t. Real smart, there, Ronald. Think about that when your daughter’s sobbing because she got into Hufflepuff and her eleven-year-old mind thinks you were being serious, and that she’s not a Weasley. Which, quite frankly, would be a blessing in disguise. And also remember that when you encounter the driving instructor who can no longer remember his wife’s name because you did a terrible job at confunding him. And then you run him over because you forgot your bloody supersensory charm. Yes, think about that then, Ron. But for now, just go with it.

Ahh, and now we encounter Draco Malfoy. What a coincidence that all these people are popping out kids at roughly the same times. That’s awfully convenient for JK Rowling to put, isn’t it? REAL convenient. But thank god little Rosie Weasley has the brains of a frantic overachiever hammered within her tiny skull in order to piss off Malfoy when she beats his kid at every test, and then goes insane from the huge pressure to do well!

This is where I go back to Teddy Lupin. He’s orphaned, the Potters decide to take him in (what with Harry being his godfather… I wonder how that felt when he was 18 and his mate names him godfather, then goes and dies, leaving him with the infant) and then he starts seeing who we can only assume by the name Victoire is the daughter of Bill and Fleur. Oh, how nice. The Weasleys join up with part of the Potter Clan and everything is happy dandy. How twee.

How sickeningly twee.

Neville. Aww, that’s nice, isn’t it? Neville Longbottom, who was only good at herbology, ending up in the only field herbology’s good for… teaching herbology. Way to set yourself up a career, there, Nev.

And also, isn’t it nice how Hagrid’s making friends with Harry’s kids? Not like he’s a Potter-stalker or anything but he really likes them Potter kids an awful lot!

“Albus Severus.” Albus Severus? What the hell? Who, in this day and age, names their kid the most outdated names ever, after two of their former TEACHERS? Did Ginny have absolutely no say in the naming of her children whatsoever? She just pops ’em out and Harry takes care of the rest. When Alby gets into the real world, he’s gonna realise how much his parents must have hated him. No one will be able to take him seriously. Not with a name like Albus Severus. And going back to Ginny here, does JK Rowling not realise that every girl on earth, from the age of about 12, has planned exactly what she’s going to name her children? And yet Ginny makes no objection to these names her husband choses without letting her have a say? Would that really happen outside a work of fiction? I think not.

But don’t worry! All is well! Scarhead’s scar-head doesn’t hurt him anymore.

Let’s take that as a sign that the world is safe from mediochre literature once more.

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